My sweet baby has turned into a complete monster! He will have the occasional good day, but tantrum days are starting to take over. He throws a fit over EVERYTHING! He also has no discipline and gets pretty inconsolable. When I tell him to come to me, he wont. When I tell him not to do anything, he looks at me and does it anyways. When I say "No" or "Ut-oh" he wont even make eye-contact before his disobeys. I do lots of fun things to fill up his day. I try to give him tons of love and encouragement. I just don't get what has changed in my child over the past month or 2. I used to be able to take him anywhere, and he was always wonderful. Now- its a wrestling match that turns into screaming and crying, which leads people to look at me like I beat him (I swear I rarely even tap his hand)
Today at church he had a melt-down among melt-downs. I took him in an empty room and talk softly to him while he screamed and rolled around on the floor. I sat in there for 5-10 minutes trying to comfort him or ignore his fits. Finally I picked him up and he started thrashing in my arms. I had finally had it. I took him home, set up his pack'n'play in the guest room- and put him in there. I had to let him scream in there because I was at my end. He had been so bad, I literally wanted to smack him. I didn't. I just left him in there to cool off for 15 minutes while I read my parenting book and tried not to cry in the other room. What is a mother to do? This is such a hard phase. I hope the terrible 2's aren't much worse then this, because it definitely makes me not want to have anymore kids.
I know he is not sick, he has all of his teeth (except his 2 year molars, but those are a ways off), and he was not hungry.
HELP! If any of you out there have any advice, please help! Let me know what works with your kids. Tell me this is a short phase and he will be his happy self soon. Tell me that all of you have been through this so I don't feel like a horrible mother. Maybe give me the number for Nanny 911, because I am obviously missing something here. Any advice is welcome and much needed.
7 comments:
Lauren -
Sounds as if someone is going to hit the Terrible Twos running!
I'm so sorry Lauren. I hope Anthony doesn't put me through that. My mom said I was horrible with tantrums and what she had to do was pretty much just let me cool off and cry it out. And I remember throwing the tantrums and you really can't hear or see whats going on. You are just enraged so to speak. So I think you did what was best. You let him have a safe space to calm himself down.
I hate to say it... but it's only just began. It will pass as he starts to understand things better and communicate better but it's still difficult. Take mommy time outs when needed and endure through it... it's tough.
You did the right thing by letting him cry it out. When they tantrum their amygdala starts firing at excessive rates and they aren't processing A THING you say. Never try and solve a problem when hes freaking out. Also...stay really neutral. If you escalate...he escalates. So acknowledge that hes upset "I know you're mad/sad/upset buddy" and then place him where he can't hurt himself and let him calm himself down. Try and stay in the room with him and stay SUPER neutral. No reaction is good. When hes calm do not immediately console him. This will indicate that his behavior was appropriate. Instead come up with a way that is appropriate for his age to help him see that his actions are not ok. Also there's a technique called blocking that is really helpful for some of his disobedient behavior. One last thing...help Cannon be in control of his day a little more. Give him choices. Allow him to be part of the decision making process. I could talk to you for hours about this because this was my job at KOTM. Email me and I could give you a list of ideas. I hope things go better! You are a good mom!!!!!!! Its hard to know what to do when they are just cutting you off at every turn.
Ashlee made a good point about mommy time outs. If you feel yourself escalating...take a time out for yourself. They win when you escalate.
Keep smiling...and remember that even with all the parenting answers/techniques they still tantrum :). The key is teaching them how to deal with their emotions appropriately. You really are a good mommy.
When my kids throw a fit because they don't get their way I tell them to "Try again." When they were little I would then have to coach them through the 'right' thing they should have done or how they should have asked. Now that they are a little older I just wait until they figure out what they are supposed to do. Sometimes it takes a few trys until they have the right behavior.
And when that doesn't work...I have a tantrum spot in my house. When my kids are throwing a fit I send them there until they are done. It's usually where their toys are. It's not like time out where they have to wait for me to call them out, they can come out when they are done with the fit. They usually come out playing happily with something. It doesn't work all the time, OF COURSE, but more than not in my house. Good luck finding something that works for you.
You make me feel better about this whole toddler thing. Addi is also a tad craze inducing. I have talked for weeks about started my own church called, "stay at home and think happy thoughts about Heaven" church is a nightmare and I am proud of you for just going. As for tantrums, they are common and you did what you should have. We are usually hermits and I dont remember the last time we went to the grocery store and didnt leave before we were 1/4 the way through. I think it is just hard and we are doing the best we can. It will be fine and our next kids will at least have someone to play with other than boring old mom. We will survive. I love you and it will all be alright.
oh Man I hear you on this one. It's so hard to find the right way to deal with those tantrums. I usually just ignore Tyeson and let him throw them, I do have to spank his little hands every now and then so he knows I am not putting up with him acting that way, or just put him in his bed with no toys or blankets... I wish I had more advice. These little ones sure teach us patience. You are a good Mom though and this too will pass. :)
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